Becoming the Master of Your Life
I know this is a lengthy blog, but it needed to be—because self-mastery isn’t something that can be summed up in a few inspirational quotes or quick tips. It’s a deep, layered journey of learning how to work with your body, your nervous system, and your emotions, rather than against them. True emotional regulation and effective manifestation both begin with safety in the body and coherence in the mind. When we slow down, validate our emotions, and gently shift into relaxed brainwave states, we stop forcing and start allowing—and that’s when the real transformation begins. My hope is that by sharing my journey, it helps you feel less alone in yours, and reminds you that healing, alignment, and inner power are not only possible—they're your natural state, waiting to be reclaimed.
My Background
Even from a young age, I had a deep knowing that we all have the power to shape our own reality. I clearly remember lying in bed at age eleven, feeling this inner certainty that we could create our lives—but also feeling incredibly frustrated because I had no idea how to actually do it.
Anxiety was something I lived with for as long as I can remember. It often felt like I was born anxious. My mother used to recall how much I cried as a baby and toddler, often saying she couldn’t take me anywhere because I would burst into tears for no apparent reason. One of my earliest memories, when I was just three or four years old, is of feeling terrified while sitting alone in the dirt at a playground. Nothing bad was happening, but the fear was there all the same.
I spent over 20 years of my life trying to free myself from this fear that seemed to haunt me for no clear reason. At the same time, I was determined to figure out how to truly “manifest” the life I wanted. Naturally, I tried every manifestation technique I could find—visualizations, affirmations, vision boards, scripting—you name it. But more often than not, I was left feeling frustrated, exhausted, and confused. Why did it seem to work sometimes, but not others?
For years, I focused on changing my mindset—practicing positive thinking, creating new belief systems, and endlessly analyzing my psychology. I dug into my upbringing, trying to understand why I was the way I was, hoping that insight alone would unlock the changes I longed for. But no matter how much mental work I did, the results were always inconsistent and short-lived.
My Intense Journey to Self-Mastery
It's Not Your Mind, It's Your Nervous System
It wasn’t until this past year that I began to see the missing piece: my physical nervous system. I realized that the reason I couldn’t sustain the changes I wanted was because my body—my nervous system—was still wired for fear, tension, and survival. It wasn’t about fixing my thoughts; it was about re-regulating my system at the most fundamental level.
Now it all makes sense—why my efforts to change my mindset and belief systems never fully stuck. It wasn’t that the techniques were wrong; it was that my body, specifically my nervous system, was still operating from a place of survival. Decades of living in fear and hypervigilance had left me stuck in a chronic sympathetic state—the fight-or-flight mode.
So even when I tried to adopt a positive belief, my body was still sending stress signals to my brain. And as long as those signals were active, my brain couldn't truly rewire. Real transformation isn’t just about changing your thoughts—it’s about aligning the body and the mind. They need to work together.
I realized I needed to support my nervous system—retrain it to feel safe, calm, and grounded. That meant strengthening my parasympathetic nervous system, the part that signals to the body: You’re safe now. You can relax.
How to Rewire Your Body
You can do this too. There are many vagus nerve stimulation and parasympathetic nervous system exercises available—most of which you can easily find online. For me, a major turning point came when I committed to a full year of Body and Brain exercises. Honestly, for most of that year, I didn’t fully understand what I was doing. But I noticed one thing consistently: I always felt better afterwards. So I kept going. I also attended several of their 3-day workshops, which deepened the experience.
Looking back, I now see that I was gently retraining my nervous system—teaching my body to send signals of safety and relaxation to my brain. I was slowly, steadily balancing a nervous system that had been running on chronic micro-stress for most of my life. And even though I didn’t realize it at the time, this consistent work started leading to profound breakthroughs in my emotional and mental healing.
If you’ve read some of my earlier blog posts, you’ll know about the massive emotional purging I went through. Looking back, I believe that once I had made enough progress in rewiring my nervous system, I hit a kind of tipping point—where my body and brain finally felt safe enough to let go of everything they had been holding onto. It was as if my system decided: Now is the time to release it all.
What followed was about a month and a half of intense, almost primal crying—wave after wave of deep emotional release. It was overwhelming at the time, but I now understand that this was my brain and body completing the stress cycle. Years of suppressed pain, ignored emotional wounds, and avoided discomfort had built up inside me—and now they needed to move through me so I could truly heal.
I believe I was releasing the buildup of emotional energy that had been stored in my sympathetic nervous system for decades. And when that release came, it wasn't just emotional—it was physical and biochemical. The sudden shift in my nervous system changed my internal chemistry and even impacted my immune system. I began developing rashes on my left leg—something no doctor could explain. But deep down, I knew it was all connected. It was my body finally processing what it had been holding onto for so long.
Brainwaves - Beta, Alpha, Theta
As I tried to make sense of why I was suddenly going through such a massive wave of healing, I was led—almost serendipitously—to learn about different brainwave states. That’s when so much began to click. I realized that all those years I spent trying to “fix” myself didn’t work not because I was doing it wrong, but because I was trying too hard.
Not only was my body still hardwired to send constant stress signals, but I was also approaching healing with the same performance-driven mindset I brought to everything else. I pushed myself to visualize more, to think more positively, to shift my mindset faster—as if healing was a goal I could achieve through effort and willpower alone.
What I didn’t understand back then was that this constant striving was actually keeping me stuck in beta brainwaves—the state associated with active thinking, stress, and problem-solving. What I truly needed was to access alpha & theta brainwaves: the state that arises when you feel safe, calm, and at ease. Alpha brainwaves aren’t about effort—they come when you’re relaxed, open, and not pushing for results. When you stop putting pressure on yourself to perform or “heal,” that’s when your nervous system can finally shift into balance, and true transformation can begin.
I believe that’s why the dynamic meditation I practiced at my Body & Brain classes was so effective. The sessions always began with physical movement—shaking, tapping, and meridian stretching—to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system and relax the body. Only after that did we sit or lie down for meditation. Because the body was already relaxed and regulated, it naturally allowed the brain to shift into alpha and even theta brainwaves, making it so much easier to settle into stillness.
Their approach to meditation was beautifully simple: just pay attention to your body. And over time, I realized how powerful that truly is. The simple act of turning your awareness inward signals to your brain that you are safe. Most of us spend our days with our attention constantly focused outward—scanning for danger, planning, problem-solving. This keeps us locked into beta brainwaves, the state linked with stress and overthinking. And even if we don’t feel consciously stressed, our brain and body still interpret this outward focus as a sign that something is wrong.
Bringing your attention back to your body—even gently—is a way of saying: I’m safe now. I can be here. And that, I’ve found, is where real healing begins.
Number 1 Mistakes People Make
One of the biggest mistakes people make during these exercises or meditation practices is bringing a goal-oriented mindset into the process. They pressure themselves to heal, expect immediate results, or focus too hard—thinking that more effort will lead to deeper healing. But this performance-based approach actually activates beta brainwaves, the brain state linked to stress and problem-solving—precisely the opposite of what we’re aiming for.
That’s why some people find that parasympathetic nervous system or vagus nerve exercises don’t seem to “work.” It’s not that the practices themselves are ineffective—it’s that the approach is too forceful.
To truly activate the healing state, you have to ease off. Relax your forehead. Let go of the pressure. Simply bring light attention to your body—without expectation, without needing anything to happen. This gentle inward focus is what brings you into the alpha brainwave state—a calm, open, present-moment awareness. And your brain only enters that state when it perceives safety. After all, it’s only when you’re truly safe that you’re not scanning your environment, planning your next move, or trying to control the outcome.
It’s in this relaxed, allowing space—what I like to call the "Zen zone"—that deep healing naturally begins to unfold.
That’s why attending the multi-day workshops with Body & Brain was so profoundly healing for me. During those few days, I was able to remain in alpha and even theta brainwave states for extended periods of time. The environment was perfectly set up for it—no responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, or working. I could simply focus on being present and relaxed.
Everything in those workshops was intentionally designed to support that shift: the movements, the meditations, the group energy. They gently guided my brain out of the high-alert beta state and into the calm, healing frequencies of alpha and theta. In that space, my nervous system could finally rest, and my body and mind could begin to truly repair and integrate everything I had been working through.
Willpower Works
Of course, when your nervous system begins to rewire itself—and your brain follows—your life doesn’t magically change overnight. But something subtle and profound does shift. For me, the biggest change was that I finally had choice. I could choose which thoughts to engage with. I could choose how to respond emotionally. I was no longer a slave to external circumstances or old subconscious patterns.
For the first time, willpower actually worked—and it didn’t feel exhausting. I wasn’t forcing myself anymore; I was simply responding from a place of inner balance. I was becoming the master of my thoughts and emotions, not by suppressing or controlling them, but by leading them with calm intention. That, to me, is true empowerment—and it all started with healing my nervous system.
Effective Emotional Processing
Over time, I gained even deeper insight into how I used to handle strong emotions. In the past, whenever I felt overwhelmed by any intense feeling, I would hold onto it tightly, replaying the situation over and over in my mind. I would brood over my emotions or try to analyse where they were coming from and how I should think or act about them. I believed that if I could just understand these emotions well enough, I could fix or control them.
But now I realize that all those attempts only pushed my brain into a stressed beta wave state, which actually kept me stuck and didn’t help me calm down. What emotional processing really means is quite different.
Today, when strong emotions arise, I simply validate them. I remind myself that I have the right to feel exactly how I feel—that my emotions are completely valid, no matter what. Emotions don’t follow logic, and trying to reason with them when we’re highly emotional just keeps us stuck in that beta brainwave state. Instead, what we need is to accept and honour our feelings first.
After validating my emotions, I gently bring my attention inward—paying light, kind attention to my body and breath—which helps me shift into the calming alpha brainwave state. In this state, I naturally begin to relax, allowing the emotions to move through me without resistance.
Once I’m calm, I can choose to reflect on the emotions with a softer, more balanced mind, if I want to.
This approach resonates deeply with me, especially because I grew up in an environment where expressing emotions was discouraged. I often heard things like, “What do you have to be sad about?” or “You shouldn’t be crying—I’m the one who should be crying!” So teaching myself that my emotions are valid and worthy of respect—without needing to justify or analyse them—was a huge breakthrough. It’s been a key part of my healing journey.
Why Can’t I Manifest?!
I also came to understand why my efforts to “manifest” my desires had always felt so inconsistent. Once again, I was just trying too hard. I would visualize with intense focus, driven by a strong desire to make things happen and see results. But now I realize that this very effort—this forceful, outcome-focused approach—was putting my brain into a beta wave state, the same state associated with stress and overthinking.
What I didn’t know back then is that effective manifestation doesn’t happen in beta. It happens in alpha and theta brainwave states—more coherent, harmonious states where different parts of the brain communicate more fluidly, and the body feels deeply at ease. These states allow us to be open, relaxed, and aligned, which is essential for true manifestation.
Ironically, it’s when we slow down our brainwaves that our vibrational frequency rises. By shifting into alpha and theta, we align more deeply with ourselves and the energy of what we’re calling in—without force, without pressure. It becomes less about doing and more about being, and that’s where real manifestation begins.
And here’s the thing about visualisation: when you simply allow yourself to want what you desire—without pressuring yourself to make it happen or tying your worth to the outcome—you naturally begin to visualize, imagine, and dream from a more open-hearted place. There’s no force, no performance—just the gentle energy of creation flowing through you.
I’ve come to realise that many of us were deeply hurt at a young age when we truly desired something and didn’t receive it. That pain taught us to suppress our desires or to only want things we believed were realistic or achievable. Over time, we stopped allowing ourselves to fully feel the longing of our heart, thinking it was safer to stay small and practical.
But true manifestation starts when we give ourselves permission to want again—freely, vulnerably, and without expectation. It’s not about convincing the universe to give us what we want. It’s about reconnecting to our heart’s desires and allowing them to gently guide us—without pressure, without fear.
Give yourself permission to want what you truly want. Not the version that feels safe or “realistic,” but the real, soul-level desires of your heart. Don’t force yourself to visualise it perfectly. Don’t obsess over fixing your mindset or analysing how it could possibly happen. Just allow yourself to dream—freely, openly, without expectation or pressure to make it come true.
When you do this, something magical happens: you naturally enter a state of imaginative visualisation. You begin to feel joy—not because you’ve achieved anything, but because you’ve allowed yourself to simply be with your desire. You’ve returned to the creative freedom that we’re all born with.
I know this isn’t easy for many people. If your physical nervous system is still wired for survival, your brain will keep defaulting to beta brainwaves—the stress state. That’s okay. If this is where you are, start by working gently on relaxing your nervous system. Work on nervous system regulation. Because once you reach that tipping point—where your body finally feels safe—you’ll see what I mean. It becomes so much easier to mentally release the pressure, the striving, the expectation.
When you do visualise, relax your forehead. Don’t concentrate too hard. Use a light, gentle awareness. This soft attention supports the shift into alpha and theta brainwave states—those harmonious, creative states where manifestation flows more naturally. And most importantly, don’t force yourself to feel joy or excitement. Don’t turn your emotions into another performance. When you can truly allow yourself to desire without pressure, that joy and excitement will come on its own—effortlessly, and from the heart.
Conclusion
What I’ve come to understand is that becoming the master of your life isn’t about trying harder—it’s about softening, allowing, and learning to create safety within yourself. It’s a harmonious dance between the nervous system, the body, and the mind. The more I let go of the pressure to perform, fix, or manifest on command, the more naturally my life began to shift.
If you’re on this journey too—of healing, of alignment, of returning to your true self—be gentle. Trust that when your system knows how to unwind, your true spirit will arise. It was always within you. It may take time, but every moment you choose presence over pressure, softness over striving, you are reclaiming your inner power. And that, to me, is what self-mastery is really about.