Living Everyday with Unconditional Love – What it Feels Like

Living Everyday with Unconditional Love 

It took me a very long time to understand what unconditional love truly is. I often heard that self-love was important, but I never understood what it was supposed to feel like. I was criticised from every possible angle growing up, to the point where I felt I had no reason to love myself or feel worthy at all.

I think this is why I worked so hard. I believed that if I could succeed and prove that I was good at something, it would finally give me a reason to feel good about myself. Instead, it only led to total burnout.

Yet it was precisely because of this that I came to discover what it feels like to love myself unconditionally. And through that experience, I finally understood what it means to love others unconditionally as well.

When I finally began to understand what unconditional self-love is and started practicing it (and yes, unfortunately it does require practice to rewire old emotional and mental patterns), I realised that loving myself was something very subtle and gentle. It wasn’t anything particularly grand or dramatic.

1. I did not wake up feeling elated or jumping out of bed every morning.
2. The desire and motivation to succeed, impress others, or get good results seemed to disappear. I didn’t feel particularly passionate about anything — which might sound negative — but instead, I simply felt very neutral about everything.
3. Nothing felt particularly important, yet not in an apathetic or disconnected way.
4. I stopped taking things too seriously, but I still made effort to do good work. It just stopped mattering if I failed or didn't get recognised. 
5. I didn’t feel like an “amazing being” or carry an "I’m the best" kind of confidence. Instead, I simply stopped feeling negativity toward myself. I felt peaceful and neutral, with a gentle undercurrent of positivity.
6. I became far more understanding toward others and naturally stopped judging people (so much).
7. I came to accept and acknowledge life exactly as it is and all the fear and anxiety I used to have about things going wrong didn’t really grab a tight hold of me. I still feel anger, frustration and negative emotions, but again, they don’t have a tight hold on me anymore and as quickly as they come, I can let them go. 
   

So in a way the ego simply started to take a back seat.

 

Meaninglessness of Life

I think many people might struggle with the sudden loss of motivation or drive for success, with the feeling that nothing particularly matters, and everything seeming meaningless.

I certainly felt a lot of confusion at first, especially as someone who used to be very career- and success-oriented. But slowly, I realized I had been driven by the wrong things. Over time, you start to discover what truly aligns with you — the things you genuinely feel inspired and motivated to do. Though this might take some time. Just keep practising self-love, and things do eventually start balancing out. 

When many things in life stop feeling important, it doesn’t mean you lose your sense of responsibility or logic. I still keep a practical head on my shoulders — I go to work five days a week. It’s not as though you suddenly stop showing up to life just because nothing feels seriously important anymore.

It’s more that nothing feels important enough to hold strong negative emotions for long periods of time. I go to work, but I no longer carry the sense of absolute dread I used to feel. I simply go to work, do my job, come home, and reflect on what I might want to change about my career. There’s also no intense pressure to change my life right now.

You could ask, what about the children suffering, the wars, the Earth itself? Don’t these things matter? Of course they do. But the overwhelming feelings of doom and depression aren’t really there anymore. Those emotions probably exacerbate these problems in the world. Instead, you simply just do what you can. And interestingly, you have a much clearer head about what you can actually do, precisely because you’re no longer so emotionally charged by it all.

 

Practising Unconditional Love

Practicing unconditional love begins with the self. It is very difficult to love others — especially those who are hard to love unconditionally, if you don’t have a strong foundation of authentic self-love.

To me, practicing unconditional self-love wasn’t about trying to feel great about myself or talking myself up. It was more about calming down and gently dissolving the negative self-talk. I believe that once we dissolve the layers of negativity and self-toxicity, our true self shines through — and it has always been there from the beginning; it was just covered by all the muck.

Every day, I practice vagus nerve exercises or meditations with crystals and sound to relax and support my nervous system, helping me stay balanced and grounded. This allows me to approach mindfulness techniques without my sympathetic nervous system being a physical barrier — and it is these mindfulness practices that truly solidify the ability to live with unconditional love in everyday life.

During the day, when I am out and about, I practice self-awareness. I say practice because it truly requires a lot of it. Whenever I feel even slightly offended, worried, angry, sad, guilty, or resentful, I simply notice the feeling. I tell myself, I see. I see that I feel angry about [insert situation]. This act of observation creates a space between me and the emotion itself. I do the same with my thoughts. When a judgmental or negative looping thought arises, I acknowledge it: I see that I am thinking [this].

Then most importantly, I become understanding toward myself for having these feelings and thoughts. Previously, I would feel guilty for feeling a certain way or having a particular thought. Now, I simply tell myself, It is understandable that you feel/think this way. Because, there is always a reason why you feel and think a certain way, though you might not be consciously aware of it. The media we consume, our upbringing, the friends and neighbours we had, the education system, the culture we grew up in — all of these shape our emotional and mental patterns.

When you acknowledge yourself in this way, your ego seems to calm down — perhaps because it is being heard and recognized. I repeat this process over and over until it becomes a natural part of how I live and breathe each day.

Is it easy? No.

At first, it is incredibly challenging. But gradually, it becomes easier and easier until you embody this way of being almost effortlessly.

 

Unconditional Love Towards Others

I believe that if we could all love ourselves unconditionally, the world would be a much better place. By learning to be understanding and compassionate toward ourselves, we naturally learn to extend that same understanding and compassion to others.

When someone behaves in a way that is offensive, rude, hurtful, or even violent, you’re able to process your emotions quickly without becoming overly charged by them. While compassion might not arise immediately, over time, you begin to feel it. You realise you don’t know the circumstances of their life — their upbringing, the models they had, or the events that shaped them.

Just as you can acknowledge and understand your own feelings and thoughts — even the resentful or angry ones — you can apply the same understanding to others. This doesn’t mean their behaviour is acceptable, but it does mean that you are no longer emotionally or mentally bound by it.

Your ego simply takes a backseat. 

 

What is Unconditional Love?

Unconditional love is not the intense, passionate feeling we experience when we fall in love with someone. That kind of love is usually conditional — we feel it because someone looks a certain way, behaves a certain way, or understands us in a particular way.

Unconditional love is very different. It is subtle, almost neutral, and peaceful. It arises from the absence of judgment and conditions that would make you feel bad about yourself and others. When you peel off the negativity, your true essence, which is unconditional love, shines through. 

It feels like a warm embrace. This is how God loves us — embracing everyone and everything, no matter what we think of them or how “bad” we believe they might be.

So who are we to judge ourselves and others?