My Spiritual Awakening - Sedona
Perhaps it was finally my time. An unexpected opportunity arose for me to visit Sedona, Arizona. At first, I hesitated—having just returned from South Africa, I was still recovering from intense jet lag. Another long-haul trip felt daunting. But deep down, I knew I had to go. So, I surrendered to the call and embarked on another workshop with Body & Brain—this time, in America.
I had been curious about Sedona since my late teens, drawn to its reputation for powerful spiritual energies. Experiencing it firsthand was nothing short of magical. (You can read more about my reflections on Sedona’s vortex sites in my other blog.)
The combination of the workshop and Sedona’s sacred energy transformed me. Looking back, I realize this was my spiritual awakening. I never fully understood what that meant—until now. It was a deep purification of the physical self, a shedding of old beliefs & emotions I didn’t even know I carried. It was an unveiling, a recognition of my true self—my soul—as an expression of the divine.
How to Awaken
A spiritual awakening is often imagined as a joyful, radiant experience—but for me, it was quite the opposite. It involved three weeks of intense crying and deep depression. Thankfully, I believe I’ve now moved past this “emotional release” stage.
How does one reach spiritual awakening? I can only speak from my own experience, and the path is different for everyone. While I wish I could offer a step-by-step guide, the truth is that awakening happens when the time is right. It is a process—one that took me a year of dedicated spiritual practice with Body & Brain, on top of the 20 years I’ve spent on my own healing journey.
For me, the first step was releasing decades of stagnant energy trapped in my body and rewiring my brain in a positive way. Body & Brain exercises and workshops played a major role in this, helping me cultivate awareness of every part of my body—including my voice. Because the body and brain are deeply interconnected, forming a positive relationship with the body through movement and meditation sends healing signals back to the brain, creating profound transformation.
As you release stagnant energy—energy that may have been trapped for who knows how long—you create space for fresh, revitalizing energy to flow in. It feels as though your mind expands, opening up to new insights and a deeper connection with the divine.
During the Sedona workshop with Body & Brain, I experienced this firsthand. Through various exercises—many of which I now recognize as resembling shamanic practices, involving shaking, vibrating, dancing, and vocalizing—we entered a trance-like state, shifting into a different brainwave pattern. This allowed me to access my subconscious, uncover emotional blocks I hadn’t fully released, and receive profound visions in meditation—visions that revealed to me who I truly am.
Who Are We REALLY?
One vision I’d like to share is about God, the Source, the Divine—the Origin.
During meditation, I found myself in space, gazing at a vast galaxy radiating golden light. As I entered the galaxy, I discovered a brilliant star at its center, shining even more intensely. Then, I heard a message:
"You (we) are the light within the light. There is no shadow, no duality. Darkness cannot exist where the original light is fully surrounded by light. You (we) are the light that creates the light."
This experience deeply transformed my understanding of our divine origin. I didn’t just believe, I fully felt and understood—we are the light within the light, untouched by darkness, the very essence that creates illumination itself.
Through these shaman-like exercises—which felt strange at first but I chose to embrace—and deep meditation sessions, I gained profound insights about myself in Sedona.
Downside of Spiritual Awakening – Tears & Depression
However, it was only after returning to New Zealand that the real transformation began. I had naively assumed I would come back feeling lighter and full of joy. Instead, the opposite happened. A few days after my return, I had a dream where I was crying uncontrollably over an event from my brother’s wedding—something that had happened nearly 13 years ago and that I hadn’t thought much about in years. But it became clear that I had simply buried the memory, tucking it away in the corner of my mind.
That dream was the catalyst. Suddenly, deeply hidden beliefs and emotions I didn’t even know I carried began to surface, and for two weeks, I found myself in waves of uncontrollable, gut-wrenching tears. When will this end? I wondered. But I realized it all had to come up to be released.
It felt as if I had carefully packed my past pains into black boxes, stacking them neatly in my subconscious. Though I believed I had healed from these experiences, they had still been there—taking up space, requiring energy to keep suppressed. And with that dream, the entire tower of boxes collapsed. Everything spilled out onto the floor, finally revealing what I had unknowingly carried all these years.
I cried and cried—this time, out of compassion for my younger self. I was heartbroken to realize I had carried so much hurt and sadness within me for so many years.
As I reflected, I understood that as an extremely sensitive child, I had learned to suppress my emotions early on, believing that to be strong meant not feeling too deeply. But now, all the tears I had held back for decades were finally pouring out. I saw how this suppression had hardened my heart, making me distant and difficult to approach in my adult years.
Then came an even deeper revelation. After two weeks of intense crying, I suddenly sank into a deep depression—but thankfully, it lasted only two days. I realized that this, too, was a form of release, another way my body and soul were shedding the weight of old, buried emotions.
At its core, this sadness traced back to my earliest memories, around ages three or four. I finally understood that my younger self had felt utterly alone in a vast, unfamiliar world, with no one to truly help her. Yet, I had never recognized this feeling as loneliness until now—almost 40 years later—because it had been with me for as long as I could remember.
That deep loneliness had manifested as sadness, anxiety, and fear—because to feel alone also meant to feel unsafe. I didn’t fully understand why I had felt this way as such a young child, but I knew now that simply acknowledging it was enough.
In addition to the heavy emotional release, a rash on my foot reappeared for no apparent reason. It was mild and thankfully disappeared after about a week. I believe it was just another part of my body’s way of “releasing” during this intense healing process.
Recognition of My Soul
After this intense purification process, I began to truly understand the concept of the “Soul.” Before, I had never fully grasped what the soul and spirit were; they were vague ideas that I couldn’t fully comprehend.
Then, one day, I had a vision. I saw what looked like the souls of those I loved, and I realized that it was their souls that I truly loved. The soul appeared as a bright, white orb with a blueish tinge, like a flame radiating from the heart chakra. A few days later, during a Body & Brain meditation, I saw and felt my own soul in the same way—right in my heart chakra. I had always wondered where the soul resided; at times, I thought it was near the solar plexus. But now I knew for certain, it was in the heart.
My soul appeared as a glowing, white orb, calm, stable, and grounded—fully aware of its divinity, compassionate, accepting, and understanding. It didn’t seem to have a personality because it was simply being. It was everything and nothing all at once.
This experience helped me finally understand what I had read in spiritual texts over the years. Spirit is the divine—God, Source—and the Soul is a facet of that divine, an expression of Spirit that can manifest in a physical human form. Our soul is our true self, connected to and part of the divine.
When we forget or become unaware of our true nature, we create the ego. The ego forms when we lose touch with who we truly are. Our personality, the person we believe ourselves to be in our egoic state, is simply part of the human experience—it is not our true self. Our true self is the soul, a facet of the divine.
Why Do We Exist In This Human Experience?
We are here, in this physical existence, to embody and integrate the soul into our human experience, to remember who we truly are. Through the remembrance of who we are as the soul, we learn to unconditionally love ourselves, so that we can love others unconditionally, which in turn helps us love ourselves on an even deeper level. You will truly understand and feel that every being is actually a part of yourself, because they too are a facet of the divine spirit from which you also originate.
Why does the Spirit choose to experience itself in this way? Why create the soul to be part of a human who forgets its true nature as the soul the moment they are born, only to form an ego and spend most of their life believing the ego is their true self?
The Spirit, or Source, seeks to experience itself in diverse ways because it is infinite, and its nature is to expand and evolve. By creating souls that embody human forms, the Spirit is able to explore countless unique experiences, perspectives, and lessons. The process of forgetting that we are the soul and identifying with the ego is part of the design of the human experience, and it's essential for the growth of consciousness.
The ego is simply the part of us that has forgotten our true self. It creates the illusion of separation, allowing the Spirit to experience duality and contrast—such as joy and sorrow, love and fear. These contrasts are essential for growth and transformation.
The forgetfulness of our true essence as soul is a way to initiate a deep journey of self-discovery. It’s through this forgetting and eventual remembering that the soul learns about its true nature. The journey from egoic identity back to soul-consciousness is the path of spiritual awakening—a process that brings us closer to realizing our oneness with the divine. In the end, the Spirit, through its souls, has the opportunity to experience unity, love, and the unfolding of infinite possibilities in ways it couldn't if it remained fully aware of its divine essence all along.
What is a Spiritual Awakening?
For me, spiritual awakening happens when we purify ourselves from the negative beliefs and emotions hidden deep within our subconscious, allowing us to truly realize and feel our true selves as the soul. Spiritual awakening is about understanding, not just intellectually, but through feeling, that we are the soul—an expression of the Spirit, the divine, manifested in the human experience. It’s not merely knowledge gained from books or videos, but an experience of truth that is felt deeply in the heart chakra.
What Do You Do After A Spiritual Awakening?
Well, this is my current journey. I had expected all to be revealed—my purpose, what I am meant to do—but that hasn't exactly been the case. What I do know now is that I need to practice connecting with my soul every day and make a conscious effort to live from that place, embodying the soul in my human experience. I strive to see everyone around me, whether they are likable or not, as souls themselves.
Actually there is one thing I do want to do but I am quite hesitant. I realized that I was terrified of pursuing what I truly want to do, primarily because of the fear of how my family— my parents, brother, and his wife—would react. I found this insight interesting because I initially thought this fear played a minor role, and that my main concern was not being able to financially support myself. But as I tuned in, I could feel this fear lingering in my energetic field, almost like a fog. I also sensed that this fear was rooted in past experiences, when my family would react emotionally and negatively whenever I chose a path that wasn’t aligned with their expectations.
As I acknowledged the presence of this fear, simply by saying to myself, "Ah, I have this fear," I focused on connecting with my soul. I imagined the bright white orb of light in my heart chakra, feeling the sense of stability it always provides. Instead of trying to logic my way out of the fear or resist it, I allowed myself to simply acknowledge it and went to sleep. The next day, the fear had eased, and I found that my family's potential anger toward my choices no longer held as much weight or influence over me. I realized that this fear was simply a collection of memories from my past negative experiences, and that’s all it truly was.
Although this particular fear has faded, I still feel hesitant. But that's okay—I trust that, in time, I'll be guided to where I need to go.
May your journey be full of grace with the strength to push through.